It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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