Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Duck Duck Cougar?
no, he came in my armpit
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
