don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
