whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
