Umm I'm too high to move.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
