I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am available for nakedness
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
