I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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