THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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