don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
