Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
