I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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