I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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