Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
