I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
