that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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