the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
