I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
