I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
