Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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