Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He kissed a someone with a penis
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
