He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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