You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
