I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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