I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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