Joe is yelling at the trees again.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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