I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
