3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
