Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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