Your dad touched me again.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
