The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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