I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it was like eating out sand paper
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
