im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
