After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
