she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
