If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i will never coherently bang her
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
