How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Randomize
