We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Randomize
