I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
