So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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