That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
