She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
