I think my vagina is haunted
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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