Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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