Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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