How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
