We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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