my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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