don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
