I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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