Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
