His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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