All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
