did you get engaged???
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
