She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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