I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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