You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
