Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
