the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
