i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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